There are several types of romantic relationships that stand out to me; 1. Very compatible - little to no natural chemistry. 2. Tons of chemistry, think alike but pretty different people. 3. Great minds think alike but have few hobbies in common. or 4. Have every hobby in common but think completely different. These are just a few I have come up with - clearly there are many more types and kinds of love and relationships but for this blog's purpose - I will talk about these four.
1. Very Compatible - Little to No Natural Chemistry: I know many people that have great relationships but a certain fire or spark does not exist between them. They have things in common and rarely fight and seem perfect from the outside but are lacking in passion and chemistry. There is physical attraction and many things in common. They like to do everything together because essentially they are best friends and have all the same interests. These couples really are happy together and do make good matches and all of them will more than likely last forever. So why is it when I look at these people, I still know I want more?
2. Tons of Chemistry - Pretty Different People: I had a boyfriend for three months who I thought was everything I had been waiting for. All the things I saw in the movies I thought I had found with him. While there wasn't much romance - who cared - we had wild attraction, chemistry and thought very similarly on many topics. Where did the issue come from? There are a couple of things - first he liked to smoke weed everyday (I don't smoke and don't understand wanting to do it everyday), he played video games and lastly he liked to have alone time. A friend once told me she knew she wasn't ready for marriage because she still needed one or two nights a week where she just did her own thing. I like this thought; guess that means I am ready for marriage since I would like to be with my partner most of the time. I like to be with my person no matter what I am doing; reading, sleeping, dancing, going to parties, dinner, staying in for movies and pretty much anything. Yes, everyone needs time to themselves but I like to have my man by my side most of the time no matter what I am doing. We had and still have the craziest chemistry I have ever felt and I still feel an ache in my heart when I think about our love. We had a wild relationship where we built a world alone around each other. When it got down to it, we didn't have a relationship that included who we had been or any of our single lives - it was just "us." I think he would be more compatible with a girl that also smokes everyday and loves video games. I don't think these things should have to be changed about a person. I love him for who he is, just isn't the right guy for me. Bottom line - I feel we would both need to change quite a bit to make this work and right now I don't think that is the right route for the love I am looking for.
3. Great Minds Think Alike - Few Hobbies in Common: I am fascinated when I meet someone who thinks like me. I like an emotional and passionate man, one that is philosophical and ponders things that most men would never think about. I think I would really like a writer or musician because of this aspect of who I am. However, most of the time I meet men that think like me, we have very little in common outside of the way we think. I know its cliche to say it but sort-of a "jocks and nerds" type difference. Some people have amazing relationships like this. For instance, two very independent people who both need to do their own thing. One is the introvert and needs their alone time while the other is an extrovert and needs to go do their own thing with friends. These people have a connection and bond and it makes sense for both of them and they are fully satisfied in the relationship. I know for a fact, I would never find happiness in a relationship like this. I need to share most of my life experiences with my partner and hobbies and interests are more important to me than having deep philosophical conversations. I definitely think communication is a very important part of any relationship, but I am not talking about basic communication. I am talking about two people who view the world the same way. It is really exciting to find someone who thinks the same as me, but I need the hobbies part too.
4. Have Every Hobby in Common - but Think Very Different: I think this type of relationship can be really stable but has ups and downs more than others. They are the couple you see everywhere doing everything together but they seem to be really different people. They are very happy with their partner and love them but from the outside looking in, it just doesn't make sense to other people. These people work because they have enough interests in common to make for a great relationship while the differences in their thoughts and views can create perspective and growth for both people. They both develop a deep love and respect for their partner because they are bettering each other together. I feel I could probably be really happy in this type of relationship. Be intellectually challenged but able to spend a lot of time together; gain new perspective and insight from my partner and develop a new way of thinking. I just really want the chemistry aspect on top of this.
I have had different levels of love and being in love in relationships so I know that all different kinds exist in the world. The part that is making me wander through the lonely streets with a doubting heart is which kind is the best kind for me that will last forever with only one person. I know that I want to be swept away by a man. I want him to be thoughtful, sweet and honest. I want him to think I am the greatest and most beautiful girl to ever exist. I want him to think he hit the jackpot with me. Is this already too much? On top of wanting this amazing man - I want the amazing love.
I think when it comes to love; the first thing I am looking for with someone is a natural chemistry. I have to have attraction but that isn't what I am talking about; it is this intangible feeling that there is a connection with this person without even knowing them. It is a feeling in the air - something electric that you both feel between each other. Then I think we need to have most of our hobbies in common so that we can spend a lot of our lives together. I think it is important if I like to go out with friends and also spend a lot of my time watching movies (especially when its cold outside), to find a man who also likes to do these same things. I wonder - if I have a man who thinks like me, has the same hobbies as me, as well as amazing chemistry, would we be too similar for a great relationship? All three together sound like a dream come true for me, but is that really what would make for a healthy lifelong commitment? I also want to fall in love. I want both of us to fall madly in love with each other. The crazy kind - is this because of movies? The other thing we never think about with Hollywood love is, the movie ends after the couple finally comes together in true love - we never see the rest of their lives together.
What are we using as a measuring stick for what our relationships should look like? My parents are still together and love one another very much, but I still want more! Am I being unrealistic? Am I looking for too much initially? I know love will change and grow over years and you can't always be in love and infatuated exactly the same as when you finally fell for each other, but I believe you can maintain love throughout a lifetime in one relationship. . . even if they annoy you so much you just want to kick them. I have a great friend I call Bmore who always says, "You know you are really in love when you've thought about killing that person but you'd never do it because you would miss them too much." I feel like I found all these things with my ex, so how does he still feel like we are not compatible and we aren't right for one another? I really believe we would be great together and make each other happier than being without each other but who is right or wrong if he believes that we aren't meant to be?
Am I holding onto someone that wouldn't make me happy? Are we actually incompatible? Am I looking for too much from one person and one relationship? Am I wrong with my ex - ex (yeah two ex's ago) to think neither of us should have to change anything about us? How do I have a great relationship when I am not sure what it is supposed to look or feel like? What is realistic and what is fantasy? What if I never find all the things I am searching for and I end up alone? Is compromising the same thing as settling or are they two completely different things?
Maybe it is time to look outside the box when it comes to love and relationships. Maybe I need to give men more of a chance when it doesn't seem perfect right away. I am tired of being on this merry-go-round questioning everything about what I have always been wanting and searching for. My 30th birthday is around the corner and here I sit on my couch alone. Perhaps this is the right place for me to be at this moment, but I am so ready for my person! Am I doing something wrong or is this the path my life had to take? Maybe soon I will be with my person, and love, compatibility, and all my dreams surrounding a great relationship will finally be reality . . . but right now I am lost and wandering. Shakin' . . . with doubt.
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